You are more than what you produce
Signalling safety to return to a regulated and calm state
If you missed the last edition, we explored the limiting belief that our bodies are working against us. Check it out below!
My Worth is Measured by my Productivity
Many of us—even subconsciously—believe that our worth is tied to how much we contribute, earn or meet others expectations. This belief can feel especially challenging when chronic illness and neurodiversity means our bodies and minds function differently.
I’ve lived with the ups and downs of chronic illness for many years, and I’m not a fan of using “high achievers” or “high performers” as the yardstick by which all individuals are measured. They reinforce the idea that success and value come from constant output and achievement—an idea deeply rooted in capitalism. Illness, disability, or major life changes may require us to slow down or shift priorities.
However, for years I linked my self-worth to how much I could give or produce. Downshifting made me feel like I was disappointing others and myself. But the truth is that who we are, and the intrinsic value of every human being, isn’t defined by what or how much we produce.
My Hard-Learned Lessons
It took me about two years to receive a fibromyalgia diagnosis. In the first six months, I cycled through specialists, gave countless blood samples, underwent MRIs, scopes, and more—only to be repeatedly told that “everything looks normal.” Like so many others experiencing unexplained symptoms, I was searching for answers in a system that often struggles to provide them for complex conditions.
A few months into this saga, I decided to move abroad. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best timing, but I was tired of waiting for answers and didn’t want to postpone living my life. An opportunity to work on a waste management project in Colombia was offered to me. As an environmental engineer by training and a waste diversion enthusiast, it felt like a perfect fit for my talents and aptitude.
The reality, however, wasn’t quite as rosy. I hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be to integrate into a new culture, learn a new language, and build a project from scratch—especially while dealing with worsening symptoms. On top of that, I had no real support network. In fact, it was quite the opposite. The work environment was very difficult, and my health suffered from it.
Logically, leaving would have made sense, especially given the toll it was taking on my body. However, I carried deeply ingrained beliefs that tied my productivity to my worth. I feared that if I quit, people would think less of me—that maybe I wasn’t ready for the opportunity, or worse, that I just wasn’t good enough. At the same time, I genuinely wanted to achieve things that felt important and impactful.
Despite disclosing my health difficulties to friends, family, and colleagues, I received little support or understanding. I internalized this to mean that if others weren’t concerned, then I had no valid excuse to stop pushing myself.
Looking back, I realize that I had deep-rooted beliefs that suffering determined worthiness and that strength meant pushing beyond my limits.
Eventually, I left the project to start my own business—an exciting but equally demanding endeavour. Without a steady paycheck, I felt even greater pressure to work harder. I remember countless meetings and presentations during which I was in a full-blown flare, somehow getting through them on adrenaline.
Afterward, I would crash so badly that sometimes, I had difficulty even caring for myself. Once, I suffered a flare that was so severe that my business partner had to dress me so we could catch our flight.
Six months in, we were accepted into an accelerator program—a fast-paced, four-month initiative designed to help startups grow. I relocated to Mexico City to participate, but balancing the program, our business, and the desire to enjoy being young in a new city took its toll.
I was constantly exhausted, trying to juggle long hours, pain, and fatigue while neglecting basic needs like proper rest and nutrition. The more I struggled to keep up, the longer my to-do list of priorities grew. And the worse I felt about myself for not being able to do it all.
The Moment I Knew Nervous System Work Was Key
The combination of external and internal stressors eventually overwhelmed my ability to cope. I felt anger, frustration, and shame that I was unable to carry the workload and make the physical sacrifices we so often associate with being an entrepreneur.
With nothing to lose, I took a recommendation to try a session with a hypnotherapist. I remember telling her in our first session that I was too “hyperactive” to sit still. In reality, I was extremely dysregulated after being in fight/flight (sympathetic nervous system activation) for so long.
When you spend your days in pain, the last thing you might want to do is focus on your body. Many of us try to detach from what we’re experiencing. However, the body sends significantly more sensory information to the brain than the brain sends to the body. Research suggests that about 80% of the signals in the vagus nerve (a key player in the autonomic nervous system) travel from the body to the brain, while only 20% go from the brain to the body.
Sensory information from the body can be disrupted before reaching the thinking brain, becoming fragmented, overwhelming, disconnected, or difficult to define. Therefore, reconnecting with our body is critically important to actively manage our emotions and restore overall balance. Over time, as the body shifts into a more regulated state, the mind tends to follow.
During our sessions, my incredible practitioner, Alison, guided me through various body-based modalities and techniques, including EFT (tapping) and breathwork. These practices left me feeling more emotionally regulated and even temporarily reduced my pain. Looking back, I now understand that these sessions were helping to rebalance and calm my nervous system. I also benefited from the connection and co-regulation with my practitioner.
Returning to a regulated nervous system state, or our Window of Tolerance (where we can effectively process stress and emotional arousal), even for a moment, helps us make lasting change. It’s not an overnight shift, but true transformation happens through consistent and intentional small actions.
Burnout, Shame & Perfectionism
Perfectionism is the belief that you must meet certain standards to be worthy, safe, or successful. It often comes with fear of failure and a constant sense of "not being enough."
Perfectionism often stems from a survival response, keeping the nervous system on high alert. The drive to overachieve and produce feels like a way to stay safe—from judgment, failure, or rejection.
When we can’t keep up, shame and fear kick in, reinforcing the belief that our worth is tied to productivity, and that it’s never okay to stop. This can trigger burnout, where the nervous system swings from overdrive (fight/flight) into exhaustion (freeze/collapse).
The cycle continues when shame prevents rest, pushing us back into overworking and over-committing. Breaking free starts with nervous system regulation and learning to feel safe without constant productivity. This, ironically, improves productivity in the medium and long run since we’re allowing for rest, recuperation, and flexibility to work within our limitations.
Neuroception is the subconscious detection of safety or danger, influencing how we perceive and respond to challenges. The amygdala, a part of our survival brain, can become "overprotective" when it senses danger, even in safe situations (and not doing can feel unsafe). You can’t fix dysregulation by telling yourself “to calm down” because dysregulation is, in fact, a self-protection mechanism.
Of all the things I’ve tried (and there have been many), understanding and partnering with my nervous system has by far provided me with the greatest physical and emotional benefits.
Reframe: My worth is intrinsic and not dependent on what I achieve or produce
Our value isn’t something we earn, it’s something we already have.
I know this can be difficult to believe, especially with all the online noise inundating our lives. Our thoughts and the way we narrate our story shifts depending on our nervous system state. When we’re dysregulated, the survival brain steps in to protect us. In these moments, it’s easy to get caught up in ruminations and limiting beliefs. Instead of analyzing every thought, it can be helpful to regulate your nervous system first and then reassess the story later from a more grounded place.
Our Window of Tolerance is dynamic—it shrinks when we’re under stress or struggling. As anyone with fibromyalgia or other dynamic disabilities knows, just because you can do something one day doesn’t mean you’ll be able to the next. The same applies to our nervous systems. Recognizing situations or triggers that may be dysregulating and adjusting based on your daily capacity isn’t a weakness—it’s an essential part of our biological design.
Pacing is especially key when experiencing chronic stress and burnout or living with chronic illness. I try to align tasks with my energy levels by narrowing my list into chunks of 1-3 priorities and breaking them down into small, manageable steps. I also strive to work within my neurobiological limits so that I’m not overexerting myself in some areas, and then feeling like I can’t function in others.
This has been key as someone who also lives with neurodiversity. If I am focused and enjoying a task, I will sit for hours working on it and forget to move or eat. Then I’m frustrated afterward that I’m exhausted and in pain! I can also make a really long never ending to do list if left to my own devices…
Checking in with your body frequently is essential—what your mind considers “reasonable” or even “scaled back” may still be too much at the moment. You can’t build tolerance if you’re constantly running on an energetic deficit.
I used to see rest as something to be earned—if I had a “productive” day, then I could rest without guilt. But this mindset is deeply rooted in capitalist ideals that equate worth with output. Now, I proactively schedule recovery periods into my calendar as non-negotiable, not a reward tied to productivity or urgent need.
Reframing this belief doesn’t mean abandoning ambition or goals. It’s about building a foundation of self-compassion and respect, so your worth isn’t defined by forced productivity or societal expectations that may ultimately harm you. I’m still working on finding the balance between achieving my goals and living with intention and self-care—but I know now that rest is part of the process, not a perk.
Three At-Home Practice Ideas:
Reframing self-worth
For those who enjoy journaling, it can be interesting to explore what your life could look like if your self-worth wasn’t tied to productivity or output. Below are some journal prompts to get you started:
What would change if I believed my worth was inherent?
What qualities do I value in others that have nothing to do with their productivity?
How do I want to feel at the end of the day, beyond just “what was accomplished”
Restoring a sense of safety in rest
Scheduling more intentional rest is key to reducing burnout and recalibrating our relationship with productivity. However, if we’ve been pushing ourselves hard for a long time, our nervous systems may need a cue to feel safe enough to slow down.
Using grounding aids like a weighted blanket, slow rocking, a massage (even self-massage) or humming can signal to your body that rest is okay.
Engaging in playful and low-pressure activities that bring joy without being tied to an outcome (e.g. colouring, listening to a podcast while walking, lying in the sun) can also be a valuable form of rest.
Regulation
Contact points is an exercise that involves providing sensory information to your nervous system through connecting with external sensations. This approach is useful for down-regulating if you’re in a hyperactive stress response (such as flight energy from perfectionism) or up-regulating (when there is hopelessness or shame). We’re looking to signal safety to our nervous system so that we can return to a more regulated state.
Find a comfortable chair and try the recorded Contact Points practice below:
If you’re looking to fill your cup with a little more self-compassion, you might like this Loving-Kindness Meditation.
Do you struggle with the limiting belief that your worth is tied to external measures of productivity? Hit reply—I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Gentle hug,
Caitlin
Hi I’m Caitlin (she/they), and I help mission-driven humans (and their bodies) pursue meaningful goals—without burning out.
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